Fake tan. It's got to go, hasn't it? Not content with turning Aintree into an eerie, post- apocalyptic, radioactive looking neon-orange mud bath, it now stands accused of reducing the fertility of those who wear it.
Whether this is a direct result of all that dihydroxyacetone (DHA) penetrating the skin and having a toxic effect on the reproductive organs, or the prophylactic consequences of being caught in the rain with tangerine streaks coursing down your legs, isn't yet clear.
But one thing is obvious, we need to ease off it for Goodwood. And if we absolutely can't, at least let's try an organic one. The Organic Pharmacy's is my favourite, and so expensive you won't be tempted to over-apply.
I haven't actually been to Goodwood, but my sources swear that of the great British race meetings, this is the one that is truly chic.
Mencyclopaedia: The Goodwood Look
This doesn't guarantee that you won't find yourself standing next to someone from The Only Way Is Essex in the champagne queue - nothing can indemnify you against that.
There's no money-back promise that Kim Kardashian won't show up either. And there's an outside chance that Katherine Jenkins could suddenly pop out from behind a bush to belt out an operatic medley of Take That's Greatest Hits.
But on the whole, Goodwood is a class act. To maintain this status, it has standards. As with Royal Ascot, these are of varying precision, according to the enclosure to which one is seeking admission.
In the Richmond Enclosure, for instance, men are gently ushered in the direction of jackets and ties, and even polo necks or cravats.
Left to right: Billie Piper, Sophie Raworth and Sophie Ellis-Bextor at Glorious Goodwood PHOTO: RII SCHROER/ WIREIMAGE/HEATHCLIFF O'MALLEY
Along with Morgan cars and Terry-Thomas, polo necks and cravats have been laying low for decades. If this were women's fashion, that would qualify them for an imminent revival, but men's fashion works in different, incomprehensible ways, so let's stick to the far more logical arc of women's clothing.
Hats are encouraged, though not obligatory in the Richmond Enclosure, but are so popular these days that you're likely to bash into them all over Goodwood.
These are not the big showy cartwheels, "witty" pillboxes or headpieces shaped like the Gherkin that pass muster at other racecourses. Bundle MacLaren , who designs hats for the Kate Middleton set, says: "The colour of your hat doesn't have to match your dress. For a more eclectic and individual look, choose colours that tone and balance with each other."
Glorious Goodwood for top horse racing and fashion
In Goodwood's other enclosures, dress codes are less formal, but even in Richmond, there isn't the same imperative to make a statement as there is at Ascot. The results tend to be less showy, and consequently more stylish.
This is not the place for cocktail wear masquerading as daywear, either. The unspoken code is Modern British Boho. Think Sienna Miller on one of her smarter days: elegant, flowy dresses, blazers or pretty, beaded or embroidered cardigans and soft, uncontrived hair.
As for shoes, your best option is a bare leg and wedge sandal: stylish, elevating and unlikely to sink in the turf.
By the way, MacLaren is such an expert at this kind of dressing she'll be offering her style tips on Channel 4 during Goodwood. In the best tradition of racing commentary, I hereby hand you over to her, and retreat to the Stewards' Enclosure for a well-earned herbal tea.
1 Glorious Goodwood represents effortlessly stylish high summer British dressing. Have fun with florals, bold prints and colour.
2 Proportion and balance are key. If your hat is a bold statement design keep the dress simple and vice versa.
3 Hats worn at an angle generally make your face look slimmer and add character to a look.
4 Don't be afraid to play with different styles and shapes. From embellished turbans and decorative trilbies to sweeping saucers and boaters, there's something to suit everyone.
5 A great hat is wasted on frizzy limp hair. Get a good blow-dry or, even better, have your hair put up professionally.
6 Choose a hat that feels comfortable. Confidence is key to looking great.
- Glorious Goodwood will run from Tuesday, July 31, to Saturday, August 4. Telegraph writers including Weekend's Anna Tyzack will be reporting and blogging from the trackside - and the enclosures. Visit telegraph.co.uk/goodwood for more.
Via: Glorious Goodwood: Hats off to astylish breed
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